Come along to our “Give-Us-All-Yer-Money-&-Go-Away Tuesday” sales event. Figuratively pennies off *everything!
Free elbows to the face for the over 60s.Why not get here early and spend the night in a tent for no good reason?
Come along to our GUAYM&GA event today and receive a concussion, and be trampled by stampeding fucktards! One day only, as an entirely different yet exactly the same sales event starts the very next day on Asphyxi-wank Wednesday, 1% off pron and rope!
That’s not all, if you act now you can receive a completely free pack of bullshit for £1.
Bringing the kids? Our crèche will keep your children entertained with such features as: The Hall Broken Mirrors, Mr Gacy the Clown, Get in the Back of the Van, and new for 2014; 100% guaranteed wee soaked soft play ball pit!
But wait, there’s more!
Book your place on our 2014 hobo sleep out. All the fun of being a homeless for only £800.00. Book now as spaces are limited!
Oh god, there’s more!
Sign up now and receive Prime Minister David Camerons’ autobiography “How to oppress the filthy plebs, and pretend it’s in their own best interest”
Order now and you’ll receive an free bonus Nick Clegg Gimp-Masked Action Figure. Pull the cord and hear him tell huge lies!
* some things
So we here in the UK have started having the American “Black Friday” sales. They call it this because it’s where retailers accounts go from red to black. So stores advertised some reductions in certain not-moving-fast-enough products. Certain people in this macrocosm of ours mistook this slight reduction in the price of, and lets be honest, shite you don’t really want to buy, and instead saw it as a call to arms. Nans wrestled. Mothers charged like Paladins. There was bloodshed and tears and hysteria.
I propose next year we all go along to the site of this madness. Film it. Then edit it to hilarious effect. It would make for great satire!
(Video Credits: Youtube, Telegraph)